I’m not one to throw all my hopes and dreams into a movie tie-in, especially one that was released on the Master System but Jesus Christ, if this isn’t one of the worst games I’ve ever played in my life then I’d rather just give up gaming now and hope others will follow suit.

Cast in the role of the titular Terminator (2), your mission is to run around like a big fanny, jumping on lorries and thwacking the punch button whenever you get close to the enemy, who also seems to just be running around like they’re trying to escape this God-damned game.

Now firstly, the game completely denies it’s movie heritage from the off. Sure, you’ve got a protagonist that looks vaguely like Arnie (If you assume that a pink blur with a leather jacket looks like Arnie) and the locations are sort of right (If you assume that Arnie had to traverse the biggest Lorry park ever, and then the longest pub ever, etc.) but assuming the role of a Terminator is completely and utterly bastardised.

Let’s get this clear: The Terminator did not run around punching long hairs for the first half of the film. He didn’t jump on Lorries in order to avoid being hit by random Police Men on Motorcycles. He didn’t get destroyed by some lanky guy in a pub who can kill you in three punches.

Yes, that’s right, I can’t get past the first friggin boss. I’ve tried, I can’t do it. You get three "Terminators" to play with, you’ll lose at least one before even reaching the boss, and then he will kill you. I’m beginning to suspect that there is absolutely nothing after this boss, that they made him this difficult because they realised they’d made one of the worst game’s in history and decided not to bother any more.

Here’s how it goes. You "fight" your way through the bar (This takes a good couple of minutes as, in order to progress, you have to kill everyone) only to be confronted with this big guy right at the end. Now, generally, because you have to push toward the edge of the screen to move on, and because he appears instantly, he’ll give you a kick in the nuts as soon as he appears, reducing your health to, most likely, zero.

There’s only one tactic that can even slightly work here, you have to run toward him, punch, then get the Hell out of his proximity. Which is impossible. This game is impossible. It’s also incredibly stupid. And it smells.

I don’t remember any scene in Terminator 2 (the movie) where Arnold Schwarzenegger ran at some lanky guy, punched him, then ran away so he didn’t get "Terminated". I don’t remember the film ending after five minutes because Arnold couldn’t beat this stupid son of a bitch.

I hate this game.

I hate it.