Unreal Tournament 3. Wow. If I wasn’t busy having my brain blown out through the back of my head right now, I’d be able to explain how good this all is.

Let me try. Unreal Tournament 3 is an unbelievably fast, unrelenting shooter that... Oh crap, I’ve just been attacked by a be-tentacled walker, it’s a War of the Worlds death ray slicing my body in twain.

Third time lucky. Unreal Tournament 3 is an unbelievable improvement over it’s predecessors. Not only does it look absolutely gorgeous, run like a dream and... Oh for God’s sake, I was just flying along on my hoverboard, the enemies flag in tow... only to slam straight into a Goliath tank, producing more giblets than a Thanksgiving food fight.

Right, bugger it, I’ll just stop playing while I write this. Or just one more go. Just until I’ve got my revenge. Oh no, I’m dead again. Right, I’ll start this review now...