"Yeehaw!" screamed Norris Cole, Coronation Street’s leading ladies man as he smashed through the window of the Rover’s Return in his banged out Hummer, crashing onto the road and power sliding away from the bustling gossip of Manchester’s most suicidal street.

TURBO NORRIS 5000 (A man’s gotta dream.)

If only Television gave me 8000 smashable objects per programme, I might be more inclined to watch it. Had Norris Cole really decided to go on a rampage through the mean streets of Manc, gaining Nitro based on the amount of damage he caused to everything he could lay his bonnet on, my heartbeat would be drumming up a rain dance... Alas, it was never meant to be.

Thank God, then, for Flatout: Ultimate Carnage.

Starting off with a standard set of racing tournaments, you’re challenge is to make it to the finish line, preferably with your limbs, face and car intact. The big difference between this and other racers on the market, is the ridiculous amount of smash-bang-crash-wallop going on all around you. Cars will be slappling your rump like a sexual harassment case waiting to happen, scenery flies around you in a whirlwind of crumpled bonnets and smashed windscreens. It’s an action orgy, an eye-meltingly sexy pile of mess all vying to destroy your perfect racing line.